12_nicole_24

im 16 in 6 months!!!

2005-02-03T06:28:12Z

Have you ever just sat and ponderd the thought of why things don't work out sometimes? Or why you have to hurt so much for something so little? I do almost everyday, maybe because I never really get what I want, I just settle for less, I'm not going to do that anymore! From now on I see something I want I'll just go for it, no matter what or who is in my way and thinks they might stop me! I've delt with boy problems my who life but never thought I would be used by someone so close to me. I mean I wasn't exactly "used" because him and I didn't do anything but I was "played." Why me, why now, why by him? I guess he asked one of my friends about me today and he really wanted to know where I was, but why I always find myself asking why this and why that? I wonder if maybe he ever ask why does she like me, why now? Why does he have to flirt with everyone else right in front of me, I know he knows what he's doing! I made him a really cool card to, with a poem I wrote and everything! But I was too stupid to give it to him, and this stupid ugly girl gave him one before me...but guess what I'm sick of living like this, sick of wanting more out of life when I know I can have it...so from now on I'm going to go for what I want and no stops. Tomorrow if I talk to him and it's just me and him...I'll ask him if it's obvious that I like him and things like that then I'll ask one of my friends to ask her some what boyfriend to ask him if they all want to hang out again because last time it was a great night for him and I both! Why do good nights have to end and bad ones have to come darn it! The funny thing is today I managed to keep a smile on my face even with him being around not talking to me! Well...I'm going to go to bed late night tomorrow with my game...night!
Kati Grabler

I love boys!....they're amazing!

2005-01-31T06:45:58Z

Okay so this boy I like we'll call him Lump (haha if you know who i'm talking about you'd think it's funny)...anyway so me, jessie, Raquel, Kasey, Lump, Ryan, and Logan were all suppose to go see "Hide and Seek" but Lump doesnt want to because two of our friends call him and ask him if he wants to go to a movie with them so he decides okay we can all go together. One problem Jessie and I didn't like that idea. So, she's like "You need to pick either Kati and the rest of us or them!" He was like, "I want to hang out with Kati Grabler no matter what!" Jessie said, "looks like you already made your choice then!" So Jessie tells Lump she'll call me and tell me what's up...but he insist on 3 waying me...and I didn't know he was on the phone until Jessie said "Are you there Lump?" And he was like, "kati want to come to a movie with me?" I was like "sure! what movie and when?" He was like, "In Good Company at 4:05pm" I was like, "sounds great see you there!" So...Raquel and I finish getting ready and meet Lump and Jessie there around 3:50pm. He always has to sit in the very back of the movie theater so we go to the back and I sit by him then raquel's by me then Jessie on the end. Well Jessie and Raquel decide they want candy so they leave me and him alone. We talked and then they came back but I didn't like the movie so i just kept talking to them about him. And later on after him and I had been flirting like crazy Raquel leans over and says, "TOLD YOU SO!" As in told you he probably likes you. And he was like "what did she tell you?" I said, "nothing just something about the movie dont worry about it" But he totally knew it was about him! He remembered that I wanted to see the "Grudge" with him last weekend so he said we should see it after "In Good Company." So after "In Good Company" we leave to go the the $1.50 movie place and wait for Kasey. When he gets there I have a really bad headache and stomach ache so Lump gives me so medicine to take so I wouldnt have to go home...then we buy our tickets and go into the movie place. At first we were the only ones in there so Lump and Kasey decide to sit by themselves and Jessie Raquel and I are all by ourselves and Raquel wants to switch me so lump can sit by me and not in a broken seat...we pretend we have to go to the bathroom and when we come back there is one seat by me and lump gets up and sits in it so by the way I owe Raquel .50! I'm glad she was right though. Anyway, Jessie and Raquel left to go somewhere I forget so I'm alone with Kasey and Lump, Kasey's playing a game on Jessie's phone and Lump has his arm around me and that's pretty much how the rest of the night went...lol! I loved it. And I swear I wanted to kiss him so bad, but of course I didnt because everytime i wanted to i could feel Kasey Jessie and Raquel look at the both of us. It was such an amazing night and so tomorrow night after my game I want to hang out with Lump, Jessie, and Kasey! Well...I'm off to bed I have practice tomorrow! And I guess Raquel was like, "Just go sit by her (because he wanted me to go sit by him in this place where there was only 2 seats but I didnt want to leave Raquel all by herself so I stayed) we all know you like her!" And he was smiling HUGE! and said, "i'll talk to you later bye" and he came and sat by me...lol...I really hope he likes me! :D my smile is this big times 487848754541213787454378891999417! When im with him...lol...night!

love?

2004-12-29T07:26:29Z

I want to be in love! I mean yeah I've been in love before but not the head over heels, the skys always blue fairy tail kind of love I want and need to have a good relationship. I found a guy that's perfect for me...we have everything in common and when I say everything I seriously mean even down to what our parents jobs use to be. Crazy I know!...lol! I don't need this love to be right now but I do need it to happen sometime before I have a job and children. So...I've found the guy that's perfect for me all except he has a girlfriend, but that won't last forever I know it, I'll just have to wait it out. But on the other hand this summer there was a guy totally wrong for me...couldn't be my type ever. Or so I thought; he does pot, use to drink (until I got him to quit), doesn't play sports anymore, comes from a broken home, and we have nothing in common except what grade we're in and what school we go to. But maybe that's what I need someone not like me. But, what if I'm wrong and I need the perfect guy for me the one that is just like me...then what? Then I just leave the other one behind? I told the one that is nothing like me that I loved him this summer...when I was drunk so it must of been true because the truth comes out when you're drunk. And he is an amazing guy don't get me wrong but I just want to make sure he is the one for me...and I won't know until Vanessa and I have out KVJKMJ night! Well...I'm bushed. I'm going to go dream about my perfect life! Love you all tons!

Napoleon, ScArFaCe, 16, Kat, Kate, Kati, Kathrin, Nicole, GraBass, Grabler...ect.

wow...

2004-12-28T06:31:14Z

Christmas was amazing this year. I hate how I say I don't miss Josh when all the time I'm saying that I'm just hoping he's thinking about me or talking about me...or wishing I was with him. But the sad thing is that I know he isn't. I love the song "Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts! It's amazing...it talks about how everyone that's broken your heart before was just helping you get with the right one. Here's the chorus..."That every long lost dream led me to where you are others who broke my hear they were like northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms this much I know is true that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you." It's amazing...now I'll just have to remember that everytime I'm heart broken. I get to see HDM play tomorrow...I don't think i like him that much anymore...I mean things have been changing with me and he isn't my type anymore...but im going to go to bed...early practice tomorrow then a road trip with my best bed Nevesa!

Napoleon!

12_nicole_24 @ 2004-12-22T20:51:00

2004-12-23T05:37:16Z

Maybe there really isn't any right time to express your feelings for someone, maybe there isn't "the prefect guy" and we just feel that way when we find one that goes perfect with us. There will never be a perfect moment to tell the perfect guy how you feel...or at least we may think that way because our cowardness over comes our bravery and we become sick to the thought of expressing our love for someone! I mean I want a guy that will dance with me in the rain and kiss me when my own raindrops (tears) come falling down my cheeks. And a guy that when I say I want to be alone won't leave me because he'll remember the time I told him I never wanted him to leave my side, and a guy that loves the beach because when this perfect guy purposes to me...it will be on the beach with purple and white rose petals leading to the spot were we first kissed when the only light around is the moonlight, with every 12th rose petal there will be a reason for why he loves me like no one else could. And when i finally find him he is wearing my favorite outfit on him, and he will be holding a dozen white and purple roses, tickets to a lakers game (even though he will hate the Lakers, because all "my type" of guys do), and he'll be holding a card he made with all our inside jokes. I know what all of you are thinking..."How will a guy ever know to do all that!" Well, on one of our dates I'll bring up marriage and how I always wanted to a guy to purpose. I'll know this is the guy I'm meant to be with when he purposes and he remembers all of these things because only the one meant for me, will be the one to remember these things. I want a guy that when something is wrong and I'm still smiling he'll ask me what's wrong until I tell him even though this smile fooled my best friend that I've known forever. I'll love the guy that gets jealous but tries not to show it because I've told him tons that guys who show their jealousy won't get my heart but in the end that's all he wants! The funny thing is...I've already found this man, I'm not sure if he'll purpose this way and I'm also not sure if we will ever get together. However, the only way to know if this will happen is to tell him how I feel. The fear of rejection will not over come me...because in the end the guilt of not saying anything will hurt worse.

I'm such a love dreaming dork!

Napolean Dynamite is what I really want for Christmas!

Napolean...16...ScArFaCe (scarlip, scarchin)...Kiwi...Nicole...Kat...Kate...Kit...Kathrin!

Maybe there are no right moments, right guys, right answers. Maybe sometimes you just have to say what's in your heart.
You can't spend your life wishing for something that's never going to happen. You gotta hold on to the next best thing.

PS...Nevesa I'm super excited for the 28th me, you, J and K together again! Talk to you later about it!

why?...

2004-12-21T07:25:18Z

Why do we spend our whole lives just looking at the person that doesn't want us? Why do you look for someone when all along we really just had someone so perfect right in front of us? Why do guys over look the smart, funny, great type of friend girl and go for the easy ones? Why do we girls just look for the best looking guy even if he is a jerk? Why do we spend all of our teen years looking for a perfect match to love and spend the rest of our life with; when no matter how hard we try we won't find our "soul-mate" until it's time. Why do people always say, "He treated you so bad you deserve so much better." when you know he is just right for you, but you just aren't sure how to let him know. Mainly...why do we spend out time on Earth worrying about little things that don't even matter in the long run? They don't matter because: the smart, funny, good friend girls finally become the girls that all the guys want to marry and have a family with. And guys bodies fade making us once shallow girls have to look at the guys as a person and not a runway model. We find our soul-mates at college or work or some place we least expect it. Our looks will fade, but out memories with our friends and the pictures we took and imprinted in our minds with always be there. We will be able to tell our kida all the stories of how we met their other parent, and the first time we drank, and who our best friends were and if we are still friends with them. Why look for your soul-mate when all you are going to do is get bummed when you don't find them yet; we shouldn't get bummed though because then when we really do find our soul-mate the one we know is really the one we are meant to be with through everything for the rest of our lives we rejoice knowing that all the pain and heartbreak and trying to impress people paid off because we are with the love of our lives! I don't wish I had the love of my life yet because I'm not ready...I'm not ready for the comitment(spelling?), I know that there is someone out there for me, I can feel it. And hopefully when I meet this person I'm not with someone else, because when I do meet this person I'll know from the minute I see them that this is the one and that the one I'm with just isn't for me.
Maybe just maybe, I've been trying to grow up too fast, and I should just relax and have fun while I'm young...I thought I knew what I wanted and who I was looking for. But then again when I was 6 I thought I found the love of my life...that guy is still my friend but not my soul-mate...so I guess what I've been trying to say is...I've told guys I love them but when you really find the one you love none of the first things I mentioned will matter because you'll know for sure that this one person was meant for you...meant to be your one and only soul-mate!

Napolean...Nicole...Kati...ScArFaCe...Kathrin...Kiwi...16...ect...

Wow...Im so sore!

2004-12-12T06:28:53Z

Hey so I had my first league basketball game last night!...It was great HDM was there and he kept starting chants for me! I adore that kid!!! I split my chin open during the first two minutes of the game...and the trainer had to keep redoing the glue stitches. I still have glue stitches because I didn't want real ones (ouch)! I guess HDM was conserned about me or at least that is what Kel said. He is such a great kid. Tonight I want to hang out with Josh but I had a game tonight so I'm not sure if my mom will let me leave late or not. I'm guessing not. And Vanessa and I both need to see Josh and Kevin because we both miss old times. I almost reopened my chin tonight at my game...but I hardly got my head up then the other side of my face hit the ground. Well...I'm going to go call Vanessa, to see what is going on tonight! I hope it is us with Josh and Kevin!

Kathrin aka Nicole aka Grabass aka Napolean aka Grabs aka Grabler aka kiwi! (wow I have even more nicknames then those!)

PS...I hope we hang out with Josh and Kevin tonight Nevessa!

MAKE A WISH IT'S 11:11!!!!!!

2004-12-05T07:23:52Z

It's 11:11pm so you have to make a wish! Well, I made mine and I'll tell if it comes true or not later. Basketball started off really well for me! I was the led scorer in our first home no league game, I had 16 points out of 29! I still like HDM a ton...I wish he just felt the same that would be wonderful! My best friend (well one of mine) ditched me today for her boyfriend who she always hangs out with but oh well because that just means I wasn't suppose to hang out with BDJ. Um...plus her douche bag boyfriend always makes fun of me even though he really shouldn't because tons of people don't like him and think he is super ugly and gross...and personally I don't think I'm ugly at all. Actually I think I'm pretty, or at least I have lately, especially since HDM keeps giving me a lot of attention. Today is my father's birthday and my friend Kevin's. Well, what else is there? I think I should really try to get HDM to like me...goodness he is just so funny and great and he always makes me laugh...too bad he has a girlfriend. Oh well I can wait, I waited for BDJ and I probably could of had him, I kinda still want him and probably could have him but oh well things happen for all different reasons. Well, night I'm going to go to bed since I got ready for no reason!

Nicole aka Kati

Wow I feel so unliked/unloved!!!

AHHH!

2004-11-19T06:24:45Z

Hey...so today started off good. My confidence was high and I felt good. Then, Josh talked to me and was flirting it was great I hope that means he still likes me, I was a bitch to him for so long just because I didn't want him to think he could just have me after he dumped his girlfriend. Um...well then Nick this frosh. I like talked to me...wow he is so cute! And another frosh. Levi I keep having dreams about kept starring at me and smiling so I kept smiling at him and I love all the frosh. boys they are so amazing! But I still love all the guys from all the other grades too...man I'm just in a loving mood! Maybe that's because this stupid girl wrote in the bathroom; "On Friday 11/19/04 I'm going to bring 3 guns to school and shoot everyone!" Or something along those lines...freaky huh?! I hope all my friends stay home I would feel tons better if they did. My friend Toshea Case is the one that found it in the bathroom...and then my other friends said that this weird girl they had never seen before yelled at them for going into the bathroom...and plus karen (sister) and I were talking about who we would save if someone with a gun came into our school...yesterday and before that Gennie and I were talking about it. Crazy huh?! Well...anyway so I'm not going to school tomorrow and I have basketball camp all weekend!!! But, oh well I love basketball. And I hope that tomorrow Karen, Nick, Alyssa, Whitney, Cameron and I all have a sibling movie day!!! I'm so nervous to see what will happen at the school tomorrow! Well..I'll talk to you later! Oh yeah and don't kill people it isn't very nice!
Nicole aka Napolean

12_nicole_24 @ 2004-11-14T09:50:00

2004-11-15T05:59:10Z

You might be thinking about treading lightly now, but are probably doing whatever you can to be noticed. Unconscious patterns can take over your day and things can get out of control pretty quickly. Unwrap your buried feelings, for they'll only bring you sorrow when they stay deep within. Be cautious, but at the same time act with courage.

That's my horoscope for tomorrow does that mean I should tell HDM that I like him? Maybe...maybe not? It was so great last night/early this morning. I got to see the 3 most important boys in my life! HDM, Josh, and my best guy friend ever Kasey! It was great, HDM, Kasey, and I played some fun games at Vanessa's while she was sleeping! Josh looked so good...wow! I like him again...haha!...he was the first guy I told i loved how could i not still like him?

Why is it that I always like the guys with girlfriends? Then I get them to fall for me but by then I dont want them anymore? HDM is amazing, except him and i wont ever be together and I think that's what kills me the most. Pretending i dont want him...well im going to bed night!

Sometimes I just wanna cry to think that the guy I want to be with doesn't know i like him and why do I always have to feel like I'm a disappointmeant to guys?...(signs off crying)

Napolean!

another one about the guy I like!....try and guess who!

2004-11-13T02:23:19Z

my love horoscope for the week---What starts off as a light and friendly flirtation could turn in a more serious direction this week, Leo. If you're not interested in getting serious with a certain person, you might want to stop playing games before the situation gets out of hand.

the guy's i like we'll call him HDM---You can make some magic this week, even when you're not in a romantic setting. Taking an extra moment to be cordial with someone can make a big change in their day, and yours, too. Love blossoms from the little touches you're so good at, Libra.

These horoscopes are totally true so far...and I'm so happy! And I know you want to know why they are true...lol...well Wednesday him and I were flirting but we are just friends, but I am interested to I didn't tell him how i feel yet. And we weren't in a romanic setting we were at school...lol! I'm just so happy right now!

Anyway, today I had to wake up around 4am so I could be at the school (10th street) to work the 1A state volleyball tournament before 6am! While all my friends got to sleep. Kasey talked to me last night, we are still best friends! I luv that boy, I really do think him and I will be friends for a long time because we get a long so well! But when I asked him why we don't talk anymore he said because i think im too good for him. I was like what the hell because i always thought he thought he was too good for me! However, I'm glad that is done with because i couldnt imagine not being friends with him! Um...today him and i hung out during 2nd period because he had PE then and they all had to watch the tournament so that was good. And then 3rd period Josh has PE so I hung out with kevin and him and raquel and the whole time josh was just starring at me...it made me feel really weird because whenever I'd look at him he would look away...lol cute huh?! But, when it comes around to 7th period HDM is in that class the one I AA for...remember I told you about him sitting by me...well I think someone either Whitney or Alyssa told him I liked him because he was acting different and i told them i liked him...and i dont know! well foods here...see ya! Vanessa lets think of something to do tomorrow night! I like HDM TONS!!!!!! And guess what I think i might tell him!

Another boy comment! :D

2004-11-11T04:34:04Z

Have you ever liked someone so much, but yet at the sametime you think it is best to be friends but everytime he talks to you all you want to do is be held by him and be able to say, "Yeah that guys mine! Isn't he amazing?" My whole life I've never been able to tell boys I liked them in fear of rejection because rejection would mean failing and I hate to fail in anything!
Haven't you ever had the feeling where he walks by you and you just want to yell to him that you are so utterly in lust with him and you want to be with him and only him because you've liked him since 6th grade before you even knew him. At first I thought it was just a little crush, but then high school came around and we talk now and all I want is for him to want me back in the same way. Except he always has a girl and you just know that girl is completly wrong for him but he can't tell because he hasn't found the "right girl." When you are just thinking, "I'm the "right girl" for him!" And at the sametime you love being friends but you have so much in common that you know it would work out wonderfully!
You and him both play fall, winter, and possibly spring sports (depending on how we feel). But you are both really good at sports. Then both your dads were in the Air Force, you are close friends and hang out in the same group. You both love hanging out with each other and the first time you did hang out with him and he was single you guys flirted none stop.
Try having these feelings everyday and seeing him with his girlfriend and wishing you were her (not really her but his girl). When he walks by me my heart beats faster and not a kind of faster because you are tired of running or you just worked out but a faster that you just know he is the one! Too bad he doesn't know the way I feel!
Today in weights class he came and sat on my lap and then came and sat by me even though everyone else wanted him to sit by them and I didn't say anything but he still come and sat by me. I get this feeling from him that makes me want to just say, "Hey don't you see me right in front of you...stop looking because if you looked right in front of me you would see that I'm the one for you, and you wouldn't need to look any further!" I guess you could say he gives me an indescribable feeling inside and whenever he talks to me or smiles at me I feel as if I'm the only girl around and I know he is looking at me and only me!
So here is the real question do I tell him the way I feel or not? Should I let him know that I'm madly head over heels for him and whenever he walks by me I stop thinking and talking and just wish he would come talk to me and when he finally does I'm at a lose for words? Or do I sit back and let him slowly find that I'm the one that cares about him the most? Because if he were to hurt, I think I would hurt just as bad knowing that the one I care for must is going through pain.
Please comment anyone...I need advice! Would you tell someone you liked them tons even though you aren't sure that they feel the same?

Please help and get anyone to comment thank you!

nicole aka napolean!

me=basketball tryouts=scared to death!!!

2004-11-08T05:19:16Z

Hey everyone...sorry I haven't been posting lately but I've been hanging out with some of my old friends and it's great. So here are the basics going on in my life right now: still have a crush on Joshua and realized what a wonderful guy he was to me and how lucky I was to have him be in my life I love him to death (as a friend) even though he's high all the time, more guys seem to be showing interest in me which is wonderful but for right now I don't want a boyfriend because it would take up too much time and I wouldn't have any free time to be with my friends, the frosh. boys are so great I love all of them, I'm getting really close to these two Levi and Jeff...I knew Jeff before high school but we just started talking again he goes off and on with this really nice girl I keep forgetting her name though, but I do know that I like him...he gives me a good feeling about myself, well all the frosh, boys do except Nick he kinda makes me feel like I'm not good enough because when he is around me he flirts and all but he is always with other girls...and now I haven't told him I like/liked him because I don't really think I do anymore even though everyone seems to know I did. Which puzzels me because I only told like 3 of my best girl friends but maybe it was the way I acted with him. Anyway, enough about my boy part of life, volleyball is now over and basketball starts tomorrow I hope to make varsity but I don't want to jenks myself "knock on wood!" Um...Raquel and I seem like we are getting to be closer friends which is great because we are tons a like and we agree on just about everything plus, I've known her since 6th grade when I use to be scared of her...lol! Funny how things change huh?! Um...school is going great! A lot better then last year which is good because I need good grades to get into college I would like to go on a sports scholorship but just incase! Well...I need my sleep so night night! COMMENT PLEASE! THANK YOU MUCH!

Napolean aka Kiwi aka Kate aka Nicole aka Kathrin! haha

HOMECOMING!

2004-10-09T19:12:43Z

Wow...I never thought I would go to homecoming EVER! But I did and I loved it!!! My friends and I all looked amazing! We got to ride around in a strech hummer (black), it was so wonderful! Nick this frosh. I use to have a crush on was there, he was wearing a pink shirt and suspenders. But he looked so good! WOW! But the weird thing is that his sister is best friends with my sister and Im friends with his and my sister because we all play volleyball together. He talked to my sister about me but she doesn't remember what he said! Dang her...all she remembers is that it was good and she told him i didnt have a date so he looked over and i was standing with my friend logan so they both thought he was my date when really he was hannah's! GOODNESS! Anyway...he told my sister he should dance with me to make my night so on Monday i'm going to go up to him and be like so why didn't you make my night on Friday?! It's going to be so funny! I've never talked to him in my life though but oh well. Um...oh yeah! Joshua talked to my friend Erica at school one day and I saw them talking and I was like, "ERICA!!!!!" because I always do that to her. Anyway, that's besides the point because he said, "Do you ever talk to kati anymore?" and she said, "Yeah oh course I do!" and he said, "oh not me she is too good but that's okay because i knew she always was." What a bunch of bull because yeah I havent talked to him in person since like the end of august but he can talk to me!!! OH well I'll talk to him soon, I have a feeling him and i still have something but we will see but for I'm going to go i feel so sick!

Fuck life!

2004-09-01T03:40:38Z

hey wow, fuck life because all it does to me is make me feel like shit! I didn't think I liked Josh anymore, but guess what I do! And I know that because I miss him and how he makes me feel like crazy! I just want him back, I don't think I've lost anything with him yet...and if I have then it isn't a permitnet lose so I'm okay there. My ED (eating disorder) has come back yet again, I have been ana. (anorexic) and bulimic off and on for about 3-4 years...this will be year 4. Even though I tell my friends I'm not throwing up anymore, I really am. And when I'm alone I don't eat. But when I'm with friends I feel like I have to because I don't want them to ask questions. You know?! And trust me, it's no fun! I got into a depression because of mine, and because depression runs in my family I am more likely to get one! Like just sucks sometimes that's all I'm saying! I don't want to have an ED but for some reason I was cursed with one! I mean sure it slimmed me down a ton, however, it helped my life in no way except now guys like me! Which is stupid because if they are going to like me for my looks first then FUCK THEM, because what happens if my looks fade?! Yeah, then they won't want me! All my friends tell me I'm pretty and perfect, so why don't I see it?! Why do I always see something wrong? Why do I always see the ugliest girl in the mirror? Why do I always see the biggest girl? Why do I have depression and tons of my friends don't? Why am I not my parents favorite? And I know what you are thinking but my parents really do have a favorite, they said so today. And guess who that is my sister KAREN!!! Cassie goes and gets married and preg., then Kayla goes to college has sex with her boyfriend and does shit there, then there is karen their favorite because she gets 4.0s and everything. Then there is me little miss Kathrin Nicole Grabler...who always seems to do everything wrong! I mean making varsity volleyball as a soph. isn't good enough for them. Or even making Varsity basketball as a frosh. And JV softball when it was my first year playing. And being in all honors classes unlike Karen and getting good grades in those not 4.0s but good grades! Any other parents would love to have me so why don't mine?! That's something I won't ever know! But for right now I think I'm just going to go and find something to live for! If you guys don't comment and get more people to read then I'm done with everything!!!!! And you should know what that means I'm just sick of bullshit! BYE!
Nicole aka Kathrin aka Napolean!!!!

just another day!

2004-08-29T19:36:40Z

Josh's horoscope=His Jealousy alert! It may feel like someone is moving in on the one you're crushing on. Like "The Darkness", you'll be like, "get your hands off my woman!" Your buttons are easily pushed today but your possessiveness could also be a turnoff.

My horoscope=Hers Trust your instincts today, Leo. You can tell if someone is feeling you or not by the vibes you get off him now. Check for clues in your crush's body language. If he's leaning in to you or making an extra effort to be near you, this is a good sign.

Okay so I finally hung out with Joshua again last night with Raquel, Vanessa, and Leslie! We were all in such good moods...I loved it! Except, Josh and I didn't talk because I felt like we had nothing to talk about. I don't like him anymore in that way. Or at least I don't think I do. However, my horoscope says I'll find out today by his vibes, last night he was leaning towards me...so that's good body language.

But his horoscope freaks me out. Because he always gets jealous no matter who I'm hanging out with! Not good this guy I was suppose to have sex with just IMed me...maybe he is the guy that is moving in on me and I tell Josh because I'm suppose to tell Josh everything! Oh no...oh well I guess we will just have to see.

Nevesa if you read this before I talk to you. Keslea last night asked me to hang out with you, her, and corwin today!!! So call me!

Love you guys!
Nicole aka Kathrin aka NAPOLEAN!!!!!!

sorry it's been so long!

2004-08-22T07:19:04Z

hey everyone,
Sorry it's been forever, I've had volleyball all week and for the rest of the summer! Oh well I love working out and getting into shape and loosing weight (that's a huge plus in my part)! I went to the fair on Thursday with Vanessa, Lydia, Chris, and Shane; it was so fun! And I guess Joshua was there but I was the only one who didn't see him! But when people told me they saw him, I was like, "Was he with another girl?!" and everyone said no! Which made me so happy because everyone saw him at different times which means he was probably never with a girl! All his friends keep asking me when are him and I going to hook up and I just want to be like soon I hope, or be like we already are together. I mean everyone thinks we are together anyway, so why not be together?! We would be so cute together, Lydia my best friend since 2nd grade (:D) when we were on the Zipper was like you and Josh would have hot kids. I was like gee thanks Lyd! So would you and Josh, because we both have Josh's! It's so cute though because when Joshua and I agrue we look so cute...and I know we would be happy with each other. The only thing I don't like is that his close friends keep asking me/telling me Josh and I have had sex and I'm just like, "hum...yeah I didn't know about that!" And I just laugh but it kills me to think his best friends think him and i should be together and then we aren't. Nevesa you, Joshua, me, and any guy you want need to hang out tomorrow during the day and then this coming weekend! Because Josh might have football this whole week and I have volleyball, but yeah reply to this EVERYONE and get more people to read it damn you!
Love you all! (:D)
Nicole aka Kathrin

It's been a long time!

2004-08-13T22:10:51Z

Hey I've missed you guys so much! I've been busy with volleyball camp, there were the best looking hawaiian boys there! WOW...this one Cory amazing(whitney you know what I'm talking about...yum!) Anyway, so Vanessa (nevesa) when we go to Hawaii we should totally go to the big island sometime and I should talk to Cory on MSN messenger for a while until we go and then we can meet him and learn how to SURF finally! Today I leave to go camping even though I don't really want to go because I would come back Sunday, and I miss hanging out with my friends, sure I'll be with like two friends but still I miss Josh too! I can't believe him and his girlfriend are finally over and now I don't even see him or talk to him ever! He told my friend Erica he's been hanging out with me because he gets rides places but he told me he loves hanging out! So I dont even know what to think anymore. But this morning I woke up with the worst feeling in my heart about Josh, like something was wrong with him or something was going to happen it was horrible! I really want to hang out with Josh soon! But the rest of the summer pretty much I have volleyball, I really hope Josh goes to Springfield that way i can still be close to him. Cory is so fine and i got pictures with him and some other guys but my stupid team had to copy me and jump in the picture too!!! Oh well, they aren't going to Hawaii like me and Vanessa! :D! Well...I have to go pack for camping (suck butt)! Buhbye love ya, YOU BETTER COMMENT!
Nicole aka Kathrin

blah...thats how you explain me!

2004-08-08T07:15:49Z

If I could pick one word out of the english language to explain me...and everything i think about "blah" would be it! I can't stand not knowing what i want for sure! If you couldn't tell I'm talking about Josh, he confuses me so much! I hate it, I mean sure I know he likes me and cares about me...but why does he have to be so rude to me? He says I'm rude to him but at least i treat him well enough for him to now I like him without me having to tell him!I remember reading on of Vanessa's(Nevesa's...lol insider) old text from Josh that she saved, and Josh said something like, when a girl likes a guy she should do anything for him to notice her! And while I was reading that I couldn't help wonder and think/know he was thinking about me! Like thinking she should be doing everything she can to get me, well wake the f_ck up Josh because I do, and all the seems to get his attention is me talking about other guys, but then i feel bad because he gets so mad at me and I just want to say, "look you have a girlfriend dont worry about me and my other guys!" But I don't want to be at the sametime because I like him so much and I would really do anything to have him to myself and to have him break up with his girlfriend before the school year starts! But, once again I have a feeling it won't happen I mean since they never see each other how do they know if they even like each other?! Well, Kassondra(his girlfriend) seems to think they "love" each other...too bad for her he doesn't love her and if he did he wouldn't always be with me! I seriously hate to say things like this, but I think he likes me more then her because he is always with me even when he could be with her, and he flirts tons with me, and he says he can see himself with me, I dont know it's amazing! Like when I'm with him he makes me feel like the only girl he cares about. But, then I remember I'm not his and he isn't mine and I go back into my thinking stage! I want him to make up his mind...but when he does I want it to be me! You know what i mean?! Well...I am going to write some emails and talk to Benjamin Berry! Haha...vanessa you'll get why that's funny (aka josh getting mad)! Night night!
nicole aka kathrin! aka napolean aka whatever the hell you wanna call me!

DONT EVER GIVE UP ON SOMETHING YOU WANT!

2004-08-06T21:33:07Z

Hers-Keep on keeping on. You may be ready to throw in the towel on a situation that doesn't seem to be bringing the outcome you want. Don't give up yet. A little more time, patience and steady effort can help you break through to the next level.

My horoscope for the day...Just when I was about to TOTALLY give up on Joshua something like that happens. If you couldn't tell I'm very much into superstitions and horoscopes and everything like that! I'm a believe in serendipity(SP?) and just everything (like signs I think everything happens for a reason). And when something like that happens wow, it just makes me never want to give up. I'm kinda excited now because is said "A LITTLE MORE TIME, PATIENCE AND STEADY EFFORT CAN HELP YOU BREAK THROUGH TO THE NEXT LEVEL." Well the "next level" for me and Joshua is being together...and I would love that because then I wouldn't always have to wonder should i give up yet or not?! You know what I mean? Yesterday I realized something for the first time EVER! And this may sounds concided or cocky or full of myself but who the hell cares if you have a problem then don't read this! I realized I was pretty and not ugly, and that guys do like me more then I thought, and that there is no reason I should have an eating disorder to make guys like me. Because I'm perfect the way I am, God didn't want me any different and if he does then he will make that change later on. I'm fine with my chest size, my body, my face, my hair! And I love this feeling today is just a good day to realize more and look at everything in the long run...because in the long run Joshua and Kassondra(his gf) won't be together forever or ever much longer at that. And him and I can both see us together, so why not go for it the worst that could happen is I get my heart broken or heck maybe I'll break his heart. But, if you never get your heart broken then you'll never apprieate "real love" and I know Joshua and I don't love each other but we can learn to. The only thing I'm freaked out about is that he already gets mad when I talk about other guys, or like other guys, or talk/hang out with other guys and we aren't even together. Yet, he is doing the samething to me but with his girlfriend. And Vanessa made a good point Joshua isn't happy with Kassondra and if he was he would be with her ALL the time and not with me ALL the time! And he wouldn't of cheated on her. And he wouldn't lie to her about loving her(he told me he doesn't love her). Even though I'm still confused about liking him, I know that I can just hang out with other guys and make Joshua jealous, and have fun with other guys while I'm playing hard to get. But he knows that when he needs me I'm here for him and I always will be no matter if we do get together and then break up or not, I'll always be a good friend of his. I'm glad that him and I care about each other! It makes me feel good...but for now I have to go buhbye!
love you all thanks for reading but once again COMMENT and get PEOPLE TO READ THIS!!!!
Nicole aka Kathrin x0x0x0x

a night of thinking like always...

2004-08-06T08:55:07Z

So...as usual tonight was a thinking night after Vanessa dropped me off at 12:25ish in the morning...lol! Um...Joshua and I hung out last night and I used my plan to be really sweet and then act like I just want to be friends...pretty much playing hard to get! And then today we played basketball, because he said he could see us together if i would play ball with him...so I did and he kept looking at me like we were together...you know the feeling where you finally feel as if he noticed you! That's how it was, it was incredible! Well, after we played one on one we took him home and took Leslie somewhere, and then we went back to Vanessa's well I started talking to Joshua's girlfriend Kassondra and she asked me who i played with I told her a friend because as much as I wish her and Joshua weren't together...I still want him to be happy. How nice am I?! lol...then she asked me who I liked and I said Ben, Joshua's best friend and Joshua got an attitude with me when I asked him if he wanted to play ball tomorrow...so I knew something was up and then I had Vanessa text him and he was like "You like Ben" thinking it was me and she said no i like kevin then i was like "O kati does though that makes me mad" Wow...you want to know something I'm not his and lately I don't even know if I ever want to be his with the way he has been treating me taking me for granteed! I hate it, but he makes me feel so special at the same time! I just want to tell his girlfriend that yeah Josh likes me and I like him but you are in the way, and he hangs out with me all the time even when he was suppose to hang out with you! But I dont want to mess anything up nor do i want josh to hate me more! I wish Kassondra was out of the way...I'll post more in a little bit! Love you all x0x0x0x Kati aka Kathrin please get more people to read this!!!!...lol!

worst birthday/start of the month ever!!! this ones a long one!

2004-08-04T08:47:28Z

Here was August 3rd horoscope for me...What other people say today can hurt you, but it's important for you to look carefully at the source of the pain. Are any past situations brought to mind by the current set of circumstances? How are your current emotions tied to unresolved feelings still alive and well within the backwaters of your own subconscious mind? Are you holding on to more than meets the eye? You know what you have to do in order to heal the situation. You must tell them the truth in order for resolution to occur.

Well...I hung out with Joshua on this day at 1am until about 2:40am. And he was being so rude so my horoscope was totally true because what we talked about all day even after we got up did hurt me. Im sick of being hurt by him and Im also sick of waiting honestly what's the point when there are other guys out there for me?! I know Joshua likes me, I understand that and I also understand that neither him nor I know what will happen between us. It's just I feel like his girlfriend right now and that Kassondra is just a girl on the side but it's the other way around I'm the girl on the side.

Here is my weekly romance-Get out of your routine this week, Leo. Instead of going to the old familiar places (with their old familiar faces), explore activities you've never tried before. Being a beginner brings out an attractive part of you that gets others looking your way.

Which is always true because I've been getting the feeling that Joshua is getting annoyed by me and that he doesn't want to hang out with me as much, even though today he told me not to tell him gf that we hung out last night because he ditched her for me...and I asked him, "she doesnt like you hanging out with me does she?" His answer, "She doesnt care as long as I don't tell her about it, and all the matters is that I like hanging out with you!" Which made me feel like "WOW maybe he does really like me!" I just am so confused about everything because he says he can see himself with me...but yet he still has a gf even though he is with me all the time!!! And I told him that I wanted to know if he thinks there will ever be anything between us...and he said what do you want to be? And I said I want to hang out like we do right now and be together but you dont have a gf. And he said, "well if I didn't have a gf then what would you be?" I felt so stupid!...lol...but hey what are you doing to do you know?! lol!

Today(Aug.4th) horoscope-Okay Lions, it could be time for you to put on a little show. Give them a roar or two and you'll be looking good. Just don't overdo it. Your language is very focused now. You say exactly what you mean. You can move others to action as long as you don't put yourself too far above them and as long as you don't go on roaring just because you like the attention.

Also true...lol...if you couldn't tell I believe in things like this a ton! The show part...I told Vanessa and Kyle and Gennie that I was going to act like I'm just Joshua's good friend and like that's all I want is to be friends, and that I'm going to start being unbelievably nice to him no matter what...and that I'm going to be the sweetest girl ever! Because he likes me tons when I'm really nice...so I need to change that! haha!

So, later today I'm hanging out with Vanessa and maybe Kevin and maybe Joshua! Yay...exciting because i love them all! And then on Thursday if Joshua will even talk to me(it seems like he has been ignoring me lately) we are going to go to the lake all four of us and Leslie.
My horoscope for Thursday-Even if it's not your birthday, go ahead and make a wish. Voice your intent right out loud. Speak your dreams. But don't get misled by what you think you should be doing for someone else. This is about your dreams and not theirs. If you find yourself lost in someone else's world, it may be time to pull back enough so that you can establish better-defined boundaries.

And it won't be my bday because that already passed! I was planning on telling Joshua what I want and what I WISH/DREAM would happen between us. And the mislead part is weird because I kinda think I should like Joshua for my friends and that I should be just friends and a sweetheart to him just for him. But that weird thing is, that all these horoscopes are Joshua's too so maybe on the 3rd I said things to make him feel bad...and maybe on Thursday he is going to tell me what he wants or something like that! Freaky I know!
I told you this one was going to be a long one! Back to Joshua I'm just so confused because my sisters make really good points but then so do my friends and I just think that maybe I need to think on my own and he needs to think on his own without me talking about "us" and yeah! I hope my plan about being just friends works...that way I can finally have him!
I went and saw the "Notebook" last night/tonight because I dont think the day is over until you go to bed! haha...Im a dork I know! Anyway, it was so amazing I'm buying it when it comes out! WOW!!! And the whole time I was just thinking about Joshua and how I wish he was mine and no one elses...and it made me not want to give up on him because the girl gave up on the guy and the guy gave up on the girl and later on they met up again. And I really dont want to be thinking what if I would of waited a little longer. The thing is I dont see why he doesn't like me! I mean I'm not that bad looking, and I'm nice, understanding, caring, and we like each other...so why aren't we together?! One name KASSONDRA! She is so ugly I'm not even joking you...she is horrible like she wears tons of make up and it still doesnt help so if he never sees her real face whats the point! Anyway...I am done for now I know Ill have more to say in a little...lol! Thanks for making it through this whole one please comment and get some of your friend to comment too!
love ya x0x0x0...Nicole aka Kathrin

BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

2004-08-02T07:29:26Z

So I am finally 15 which means for responsiblities but at the same time for freedom! I hang out with Josh all the time yet he still has a girlfriend that he hardly sees?! What's wrong with me crying over a guy that has a gf?! Maybe it's the fact that i care for him tons more then he will ever care for me...or maybe it's because i know im not good enough because if i was he would be with me! right?! I love the feeling I get when i'm around joshua but then when im not with him and i think of how he doesnt want me as much as i want him I start crying and get pissed at everyone and get drpessed! I can tell he cares for me though, like how he gets mad when i talk to other guys and not him or how he just checks up on me for things...like Nick was driving vanessa's car and josh was like, "Just making sure you are safe!" While he made sure i was buckled! I love him...and i think i can clearly say that! I just want to know what to do about him...because since i've liked him i've began my ED again and my SI and my depression...but not so much my SI! Wow...I feel like a fucking bi-polar person! I just want to know how he feels about me and him...because i cant wait much longer knowing there are other guys out there waiting for me...and I know things happen for a reason...so I guess i will see later today when me vanessa and joshua hang out! love you guys...x0x0x0x!
Nicole aka Kathrin!!!!!!!! Im 15!!!!!!!!

camping today?!...i think so!!!!!!!!!

2004-07-28T08:50:47Z

hey there...so last night.early this morning haha...vanessa, nate, nick, and i all hung out! It was a blast even though vanessa was being pretty rude to nick but we can talk about that later...lol! Im so happy that no guy can come between us Vanessa! That has to mean tons about our friendship...which i'm glad we have! I still am not sure about ben no matter how much i try to talk myself out of it...I know he doesn't like me because he told Vanessa...so I'm not even going to try anything with him. And i'm thinking about giving up on joshua! I know what a shocker right?! haha! Well...whenever i tell him who i'm hanging out with and it's with guys he is always like why dont you go like them! So I don't know if he is jealous or if he just doesn't want me to like him! AHHH! Silly boys! But it seriously doesn't seem like he likes me...and he is using me to get to Vanessa which by the way i think he likes her...even though i asked him and he said no...but still it's just a feeling like the one they (vanessa and josh) get about me and ben! And tonight it looked like Vanessa liked Josh...which doesn't piss me off because as far as im consurened she can have him because after camping I'm done with him!!! Hell...if he wants to think i give up on things then let him! But that's also what makes me want to keep liking him because I want to prove that I don't give up on things. He didn't/doesn't even want to go camping but I bought him and milkshake and he promised he would go! So...he better and Vanessa you better get to bed at a good time because we have to leave around 3 or 4 before my parents get home so they dont ask any questions...lol...Im so excited...but #1 rule for me and josh no drinking! Vanessa...you and i need to get someone to WU us so we can get a campground...lol! Yeah I forgot they cost money! haha...because im stupid with the short hair. lol...anyway josh and i are suppose to have a talk on the beach at sunset and i'll tell you how that goes if he even goes at all! love ya all!
Nicole aka Kathrin aka Kati

hum...bad night!

2004-07-27T05:27:54Z

okay...so right now im sitting here crying about everything but nothing at the same time! I want to tell Vanessa that I like Ben but at the same time I dont want to because she said if i did she would kill me...but the thing is I dont want her to think i have liked him I just started liking him after everyone started talking to me about it. And everyone I sent a picture of me and ben to said it looks like we are together and that we are super cute together and that i should go with ben and not josh. But I dont want to hurt Vanessa at all because she likes ben, nor do i want to hate josh because i kinda have been starting to think maybe i do love him! And the thing is I do think ben and i are cute together...and I just dont want people to hate me especially if they are one of my best friends and i guy i like tons and a guy that likes me back! I dont know what to think because even my friend chrissy who is very close to ben said that him and i like each other and she knows it. I dont want bent to know any of this though! But Im just confused and vanessa, josh, nate, james, cameron, brady, and i were all suppose to go camping tomorrow but vanessa said she doesnt want to and cant go...but we already made a plan to tell her mom she would be here for the night or a couple of nights...lol...wow i just have mixed feelings right now...and i think that the whole ben thing is just temperary...and the josh thing is for awhile! I hate to cry about things it's just i really had my hopes up to go camping and then they crashed...and i know you guys are going to hate to hear this but before i wrote this i started to cut but then i cut the knife down and started to type! I hate telling you guys this though because i dont want it to get around...Ill write more later...bye!
kati